I was gonna post this on Easter...but it didn't happen...

[NOTE- this post is not for the faint of heart. It can be gruesome. But is is real.]

Now that I am more aware than even my attempts of righteousness are just filthy rags, and more aware of how grotesque and horrible death by crucifixion is, I am in so much more awe and thanks of the sacrifice Jesus made for me. In chapel on [Good] Friday they read to us from Death by Love by Mark Driscoll. It spoke of the crucifixion in cultural and traditional terms and really detailed how horrifying this kind of death was. The word "excruciating" was actually invented to describe the intense pain because of crucifixion. This kind of death was only reserved for the most detestable criminals, because the Romans didn't want "just anyone" to suffer so much. Before being nailed to the cross, one would be scourged, a process literally meant to tenderize the flesh by ripping skin, muscles, tendons, and even bones off one's back. Many died just from this beating. Upon the cross, on would be mocked, spit-on, and jeered at... The one being crucified would be in such intense pain that it would be a struggle just to breathe, and one would loose complete control of all bodily functions, so usually blood, feces, urine, and saliva was running down the body and pooling at the foot of the cross. Death usually came by suffocation, sometimes after days of struggling to lift one's chest enough to breath. This is the death that my Savior died for me. Even in all this unimaginable pain, Jesus didn't open His mouth. He didn't defend Himself. He didn't call for revenge. He didn't save Himself. He took my sin and my penalty upon Himself. My sins caused this. But now I have life! And I have His righteousness!

God I cannot even understand why You Son would willingly die the most awful death in the world just for me! For someone who will fail Him and get distracted away from Him and fall so short! I'm so amazed by You love! You love is self-sacrificing and unconditional! And if it wasn't for Your love, I'd been lost long ago!

"Lord You gave my life for me, so I will give my life to You."

"You did it for me. You did it for love."

"...That He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure."

"...broken for the sins of the earth..."

"Oh my God, what have we done? We have destroyed Your son!"

Of course the most amazing part is - He is alive! He has risen! And now I can be dead to my sin and alive in Him!

Thank You for the cross...thank You for the cross...