THE week

I love Jason. And it was meant to be! God even wrote it on this sandstone rock for me at the beach! (Yes, I just found the rock this way!!)

I'm still getting used to the idea that my wedding is within sight. It's not that I thought we wouldn't get married or anything. It's just that our wedding has always been so far off... Remember when I had a celebration cause our countdown was finally out of triple digits? Now I'm so close I could start counting the hours...which would be approximately 159. That's how close I am to taking on the married status, becoming a "Mrs.", being called a "wife", sharing a bed, paying bills, buying groceries, and cooking meals. And you know what? I'm crazy excited! It's going to be such an honor to be Mrs. Koemans, to be Jason's wife, and to share life with him. The thought of being a wife absolutely thrills me!

On a slight rabbit trail... My ring finger is kinda sad now, because I've gone back to wearing my old purity/promise ring - the matching band to Jason's. Now don't get me wrong, I love the meaning of my purity/promise ring, but I miss this pretty thing:

(Pretend my nail polish isn't chipping off...)

This beautiful ring is at the jewelry shop getting soldered with its gorgeous partner--the wedding band!! And in 159 hours Jason will place it on my finger as a symbol of forever--we will be soldered together!

This brings us back from the rabbit trail to the main topic-- I'm see my marriage to Jason as "limitless." Many people have been asking me questions like, "Lauren are you nervous?" or "Lauren are you ready for the big change in your life?" Yes, I wasn't born yesterday. I realize marriage is one of the biggest choices you make in your life and that it takes work. But I'm completely thrilled to be married and to work at it! I'm looking forward to these changes! These changes mean Jason doesn't go home at the end of the night. These changes mean I have the opportunity to love, bless, serve and satisfy Jason in a way that no other earthly person can. These changes mean we can embrace life together. These changes mean we can grow old together. The best is yet to be!

**All pictures by the great Mel Haidle, taken at Lincoln City beach in Oregon on a very fun trip with the distance girls! Someday I hope to post more of the pictures with the girls!

For Better or Worse

I am so excited and at peace about marrying my best friend Jason Koemans and for spending the rest of my life with him! I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jason is the one God picked just for me. He is perfect for me. And he is so wonderful. I know that for better or worse, he will always love me and be by my side. How do I know this? Many many examples...but one specific one happened over the course of the last three days of this week.

You see, on Wednesday, Jason and I could not get on the same page about anything. Due to both of us being very tired and not seeing much of each other this week, we let down our guard and that's where small, simple things turned into big, complicated things and caused conflict. Needless to say this carried into Thursday as well. Talking things over by phone and text only wasn't helping either. Neither one of us made big efforts to respect or love each other, although small glimpses kept coming through. Yes, you would call this conflict. But to clarify, it was not a fight...no name calling, screaming, etc. Just lots of miscommunication, frustration, rash statements, and tears (on my part). But hey, these things are part of life...part of "what lovers do."*

Finally late Thursday night, we finally got to see each other. We held hands and talked it all out, face to face. (Solving conflict is much easier when you're together and can hold hands!) It was really rather simple to resolve! We both acknowledged how we'd wronged each other and apologized specifically for what we had done. We then talked about how to learn and grow from this. We are working on the love-respect cycle. Jason has to show love to me, even in conflict, and I have to show respect to him, even in conflict.

Now why does this situation of conflict let me know that Jason will be there for better or worse? Well, I would put conflict on the "worse" side of the line. But at the end of our conflicts (which are few, by the way), things are always better than before the conflict. None of our conflicts have torn us apart or left things damaged. I always find myself more in love with Jason and even closer to him after a conflict. We both are taking active steps to learn the best ways to resolve conflict and to stay loving and respectful in conflict.

Conflict is part of life and marriage. It's how you handle conflict that makes it "good" or "bad." I know that there is no one else on earth that I want to battle these conflicts and "for worse" with. Jason will always fight for me and for us, and his heart has the best intentions. We are both imperfect people, and we must learn how to live and love inspite of our mistakes. I don't fear mistakes or conflict within our relationship, because he is loving and forgiving, and we learn together.

Jason Paul Koemans, I promise to love you for better or worse. And I promise to work on respecting you, even in "the worse." I love you more than ever before.

*a line from my favorite song, "Crazy Girl"

Roll with the Punches

There's been a lot of that lately - just rolling with the punches... Or the other way I like to look at it is - there's nothing God can't handle.

This week, and especially Saturday, was one of those "just roll with it" kinda weeks. Early in the week we suddenly found out some interesting information from the managers at our wedding location. There were new fees, policies, and they seemed less than excited about the number (165) of our guest list, when previously they had seemed welcoming and willing. Um, hello!! 16 before the wedding is NOT a good time to surprise us! My mom and I were pretty anxious, but I was trying to just roll with it. We feared they were getting "cold feet" and might close the doors completely...but we tried not to think about it. My dad called, they didn't answer or call back. My dad emailed, they didn't email back. Then on Thursday night at 10pm, they finally called back. It was a quick phone call. He said everything was great, nothing was changed, everything was a go. WHAT?! How could it go from being so bad to perfectly fine?? I'm still not even sure, but I do know that nothing happens that God can't handle!

Then on Saturday I was supposed to get my nails done at 8am, run errands and go to the bank at 10am, get my hair done from 11-12, and be at my bridal photo shoot by 1pm. I get to the clinic, where Britten was gonna do my nails, and Heidi is also working as the second receptionist. Well the first receptionist is suddenly very sick and has to go to the hospital, leaving Heidi alone. I tried to pitch in a bit, but I had places to be, so I couldn't stay long. The clinic doesn't close till 12 on Saturdays, and Heidi was supposed to help me get ready for the photo shoot. Now being the only one, chances were slim she'd get out in time to help. On my way back to get my hair done I get a phone call from them moving my appointment back 15 minutes. So I just pop over to help Heidi again at the clinic. I also call and move my photo shoot back 30 mins because I know there is no way we will now get there one time. I finally head to get my hair done, and then go back to the clinic to help Heidi finish up. We scramble to go as fast as we can, rush home, lace up my dress and get in the car, already late for my moved back photo shoot. I put my make-up on in the car! Thankfully my photographer is gracious and the weather also cooperated (the hour and a half of my photo shoot was the nicest weather all day!) I had a blast, felt so pretty, and really felt like a "bride." Although a lot of things happened that day that could have been extremely stressful, I was telling Heidi how you have to stay positive and "just roll with it," since the only thing you can control is your reaction or attitude to circumstances. I actually enjoyed the day, even though it was crazy!

I'm thankful to God for being in control and for already blessing our marriage. I'm thankful to Heidi for being tough and rocking the receptionist roll AND the maid of honor roll! I'm thankful to Britten for doing my nails...they look so awesome! I'm thankful to Krista for doing my hair...her suggestions and adaptations made my "bride look" better than I ever pictured! And I'm thankful to Jess and Booba for the fun time taking pictures!

Less than two more weeks!!!

I Did It!

Yesterday at work it suddenly hit me...

I RAN A MARATHON!!!!!

The whole rest of the week I didn't really think much of it...it just seemed like a regular thing for me to do. But it's really quite a big deal!

Let me tell you, it was so.much.harder. than I thought it would be! I just had to keep telling myself - "You didn't come this far to give up!" My first 13 miles was great, although my legs were more tired than normal because I ran a lot faster than my training pace (8:20 min/miles compared to 9 min miles). Then right after the 13 mile mark you go up hill a bit. My legs were never the same after that! It was so painful. I was going so slow, because my legs wouldn't move any faster! I clocked one mile at 11 minutes!! I never run that slow!

But I didn't come that far to give up. The gummy bears at the Cafe Dolce aid station tasted so delicious. Once I got to Higgins St bridge with less than 300m left, I sprinted as fast as I could because I wanted to be done so bad!!

I did it! It took me 4 hours and 18 minutes, and I was 17 out of 22 in my age group. I might run one again, just because I need to be faster! Ha. We'll see. I'm still feeling the effects of those 26.2 miles...but each day it gets a little better!

Preparation

It's amazing how much preparation can go into something...like a wedding...or a marathon... Try preparing for both at the same time! Actually, it hasn't been that bad! I'm enjoying both! Tomorrow is the big day. No, not the wedding day - although our countdown is at three weeks!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is the big marathon day!! We will wake up at 3am to eat our oatmeal with strawberries and an egg. At 5am we will head to the start in Frenchtown. At 6am we will be running... And hopefully by 10am we will have crossed the finish line on the Higgins Street bridge! My "good" goal is to finish in under 4 hours. My "best" goal is to finish with my dad, who hopes to clock a 3hr30min or less to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

This is the dinner my mom and I made to help prep our bodies with a bunch of carbs: Caesar Salad Pasta with chicken, diced potatoes (my potatoes have Caesar dressing and Parmesan on them) and garlic bread. (We were gonna make green beans but ran out of time). It was a new recipe and it was yummy!!


I spend the rest of the evening prepping for my other big day---THE WEDDING!! My mom and I worked on our table names! They're coming along great! Jason did the first half of them when he helped get them started the other day, and he did an awesome job!!

Anonymous Blessing

Jason and I were really stressed, I mean really stressed, about the groomsmen situation for Friday night. In fact, it might have caused a bit of frustration and conflict. You see, my mom had graciously paid for one hotel room at the Hawthorne for the guys on the Friday night before our wedding. This was super convenient because it's within 5 miles of the wedding cite, and all the guys could stay together (fun!). But there would be a total of 9 guys needing to sleep that night, and the hotel wouldn't allow that many in one room. So we could get a second one, but we had no clue how we would pay for it! If we canceled both rooms then the guys couldn't all stay togther (they'd stay and get ready at their own houses), which was never how I pictured it going! Plus, I wanted my getting ready photos. We kept going back and forth...get just the one room and make a few guys stay somewhere else -- but that's rude!!...get the two rooms -- but who will pay??!!...get no rooms -- but where will they stay?? Will there be getting ready pictures??

Most of these conversations took place at 11pm at night (tip: don't have stressful conversations at 11pm at night) or threw text while we were both at work (tip: don't have text conversations about something super stressful). As you can guess, this had become a heavy burden on our shoulders. All of the sudden I got a new text:

"There is an extra room reserved and paid for at the hawthorne for groomsmen as a wedding gift for the bride and groom..."

It was from a number I didn't have in my phone, and I, nor anyone else, still don't know who it was. But I thank God for anonymous blessings, and since the person was so humble as to send an anonymous gift, I'm going to brag about them on my blog.

Dear Anonymous Giver,
THANK YOU! As you can tell, you relieved a HUGE burden on our shoulders. We were already feeling silly for being so frustrated over something so small, but your text brought so much peace to the situation and our hearts. Thank you so much.

Cake Smear

Over Memorial Day weekend Jason and I traveled to California with his parents and brother for their Grandma's memorial. I had such a wonderful time there and am so blessed to be marrying into his family! They are so loving and incredible people! I only met his grandma once, but after being at his memorial I myself was even impacted by the legacy of love she left behind. She was an incredible woman. After her memorial service, they held a surprise bridal shower for Jason and I! I again felt so blessed! They even had a cake for us, so we got to practice cutting the cake and feeding each other. I smeared his face sooooo bad. ;) (Sorry the photos are in reverse order!)