Opportunities. Dilemmas. Riot. Africa.

Sorry this is long, really long!
     Yesterday I went to the youth group (called Riot) at one of the local community churches (Morning Star) to check it out as a potential volunteer. They have a huge need for women to lead small groups for the freshman girls. I enjoyed it. I was also really challenged.
     Growing up I never liked growing to youth group because I couldn't find one that was deep enough to feed me spiritually and allow me to fit in at the same time. One would be too full of cliques and no one would talk to me (Yes it was my fault too, but it's hard when you're shy.) One would have way to many games and not get into the word very much. Etc.
     Well I love how this youth group is structured. The leaders met ahead of time and prayed for the night and prayed for many students/situations by name. They actually knew the kids and spent time investing in their lives! After the leader's meeting, it was time to mingle. The leaders mingled with the kids, catching up and checking in with the ones they knew and meeting the new ones. Hugs all around. Then they split up into grade levels (freshman, sophomore, etc) and within each group introduced all the new people and just talked for a few minutes. Everyone then joined together in the sanctuary for worship (amazing) and a message. After this, they were again split by grade, but this time into small groups of same-gender. There were two big groups of freshman girls so I shadowed the leader for one of them. In the small groups they didn't sit around and talk about "nothing" (aka the latest gossip) like I'd experienced at previous youth groups, they actually talked about specific questions pertaining to the message and how the message could be played out in their individual situations. It was good and got the girls to think. That was the night!
     I really want to be a small group leader for these freshmen girls because the need is great, I would have a lot to offer, and I think God has placed it on my heart for a reason. Yet I was challenged to readily jump into this position. I find several dilemmas holding me back. For one, high-school girls intimidate me. They're dramatic. They dress cute and "in-style." They're loud and excitable. I'm not any of that. I'm not very bubbly or outgoing. I have a hard time initiating conversations and connecting. So that scares me, to try to lead them. It would stretch me and take me out of my comfort zone.
     Also, I rushed straight from practice to the leaders meeting and didn't eat dinner or get back to Corban until 9:30pm. That means from 3:20-9:30pm my time is spent practicing and then at youth group, leaving very  little time for homework. And on Thursdays I have to wake up at 5:50am for morning workout, so I can't stay up super late doing homework. I'm scared to sacrifice that huge of a chunk of my homework time. I'm scared to give up control of that much of my night. But I think God wants me to. And I know, that if this is what He wants, He'll provide the time for my homework. Besides, cross-country will be done soon, I have from 7:30am-10:20am on Thursday mornings to do homework, and next semester my class schedule will be significantly more relaxed. But it still scares me. I like control.
   But this week I've also been challenged in different ways to surrender, live with open hands, and give up my control of things. I'm gonna be praying about this opportunity, but I think I already know the answer. I will step out in faith even when I cannot see. God is good.
     The other opportunity is not for me, but for Jason. He feels a tug on his heart to go to Africa for two weeks this June. I immediately feel two emotions- excitement and worry. Ok three, cause I also start to think about missing those two weeks of spending time together. I'm excited for him, really excited! This would be an amazing opportunity and I never want to say no to the things God calls him to. But I also worry. If Jason went to Africa, it would mean no summer job for him, because 2-3 weeks in May, 2 weeks in June, and 2 weeks in July isn't consistent enough for someone to hire him. So I worry about having money to support our first year of marriage. But I also know that if God really wanted Jason to go to Africa, He would provide for our needs financially and our needs would be met. Yet again, I'm scared to give up control, even though God would do a better job of handling things anyway. Already though we've seen God meeting our needs. Jason met a lady who has a small house in La Grange that she lets Frontier couples stay in rent-free. All they have to do is pay utilities. So that would mean saving $200ish a month and having our own place! We're still looking into it and trying to make sure it's available, but that would definitely help with the money issue! And Jason is going to start donating plasma again (which they raised the pay amount for!) and look for any odd jobs he can find. So it seems God is already at work! But you can pray about that decision too!