Eulogy for Harry Berning
December 5, 1923 – January 6, 2011
A Tribute to Our Dad
Being the only daughter in a family of seven children has some privileges. One such tremendous privilege is this opportunity which I have been given, to pay tribute to the life of our father.
Harry Anton Berning was born 87 years ago in the living room of the Henry & Helena Berning home. Together with his three sisters, Dad was raised in a farm family, and thus began the shaping of this man of integrity, whom we have loved and held dear, all the days of his life.
Dad learned and worked side by side with his father, Henry. He was a dairy herdsman, raised hogs and produced crops. However there was so much more in a day’s work. He managed cows, he knew of seasons and weather, when to work in the fields, (when to market hogs or lock in a corn price,) when to mend fences and when to repair machinery. I thought that our Dad could fix anything! Being a mechanic was born of necessity, for Dad pressed on for the progress to move Grandpa Henry from the use of work horse teams to the farm’s first tractor. Dad was innovative in design and Dad was progressive. He built cattle sheds, milking pipelines, hog confinement floors, milking parlors, machine shops and many other improvements. The young farmer eventually emerged as owner of the farm which Henry & Helena had homesteaded. In business, Dad was principled and honest – a hand shake was the man’s word of oath – our Dad lived by this and he passed this quality forward. Dad had a moral code – you know it, it was called the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. (Evidentially this didn’t apply to playing cards?) On the personal side there was a passion and devotion Dad possessed, which never left him and remains with us still. That passion was to his family, his children and being the provider for them.
That devotion was to the love of his life, Joan. In his days of strength and youth, Dad prayerfully and carefully recorded in the back of his prayer booklet, his proposal to Mom. In the code of his heart language, it read: “Asked H.T.M.M” which translated means “Asked her to marry me.” Dad continued in the practice of prayer and the keeping of notes. In the dignity of his declining years, many pages of his notebook had this written in his own handwriting: “Call Joan cell phone, 815-281-0707”. Harry and Joan exchanged wedding vows in 1950. Dad lived to fulfill those vows with a visible dedication. Mom and Dad have been a living example of loyalty. Their marriage partnership weathered 60 years of exciting and also challenging times. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, we witnessed lasting strength and a rich devotion that began with an exciting young love that brought about a large family!
There is no doubt that Dad was a proud man being your father – Steve, Jim, Bob, Joe, Ron, (Mary) and Dan. The boys followed in their father’s footsteps, learning the ways of farming, the good life of making a living from the land, knowing physical hard work and the satisfaction of a job well done, done right. Dad worked hard. He gave his all. And he expected much. I recall thinking that there was no one who could out-work my father. And yet in the Sunday hours between morning milking, going to church and the evening chores there was time for hamburgers at Dolter’s drive inn, or picnics to Beardsly’s lake, Governor Dodge & Strawberry Point, or fishing for crappies and bluegill till your bucket was full, Sunday drives, visits to other family farms, big family Christmases with grandma & grandpa at the Busch or Heim farm or trips to Manlius to torment the 5 girl cousins. Always back home in time to milk cows in the evening, Dad didn’t miss 1 milking in 20 years. Then they began their annual trips, touring the country and a once in a lifetime trip to Germany in 1974. There were some exciting farm events caught by Mom on the old super 8 film – Dad pulling wheelies using a tractor to move a building or to compete in the tractor pulls, or taking you boys to the 4-H and dairy cows shows. There were days of work in the fields from before sunrise until long after dark. I recall being sent out to the field with the lunch box and a candy bar for Dad and the workers. We knew where Mom hid Dad’s Hershey candy bars. There were evenings of exhaustion where Dad would sit in his yellow recliner have one of us pull off his work boots and rub his feet. Some evenings Dad & Mom were nowhere to be found, until we soon came upon them, stole quietly away to the front porch swing, relaxing at dusk, trying to find some peace and privacy. Dad enjoyed swinging with his sweetheart! Then Dad would surrender as “caught”, taking us to the Dairy Dream for an ice cream cone. Nothing has changed much in the last 35 years – as I spoke with Dad on Skype on the computer just last Friday, New Year’s Eve, he told me that his favorite food was “Ice Cream” – indeed it was! Always a man faith in God, Dad was able to balance work and pleasure -more work than pleasure, and Dad was influential to lead our family in prayer and to church every Sunday. Can’t you just envision that whole row of boys filling the pew, between Mom & Dad? There was Steve, then Jim, then Bob, Joe, Ron, THEN THERE WAS A ROSE, and Dan. Each of us may be able to recall Dad kneeling around the kitchen table to lead our family in saying the Rosary and the prayers of giving thanks before and after our meals. Dad had a way of making those things stick. No matter what vocation each of you men choose to follow, you take with you the model that was set before you of honest integrity – Dad’s provision and influence was a gift to each of our lives. I am thankful for that gift. Dad’s life as a farmer was like this:
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in God.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)
Dad gave from that same wealth of work ethic to each of the grandchildren. They also knew Dad as having a quick wit and funny. He was willing to try the pogo stick! They enjoyed many family times together. Dad impacted our lives into the 3rd generation, lovingly interacting with his great grandchildren. These are Dad’s legacy, the fruit of his years with Mom.
Mom, I can’t say enough about how much Dad adored you. Love, passion, provision, faith, dedication and adoration: He made his life to revolve around you. Each one of us has been impacted by your wonderful example of being completely loyal and so dedicated. It wasn’t always easy, but great and lasting is your reward. These things are a treasure, a crown to cherish.
To Harry’s sisters: Well, your brother has led the way. Dad has been escorted into eternity with the Lord and reunited with your loved ones. You see, death rescues us from an existence of endlessness; it is the means by which those who love God are finally brought to Him, for a person cannot live eternally in a body meant for decay. Dad has a new address in heaven.
It was bitter and sweet to meet with the limitations of these last few years for Dad. And though Dad forgot many things, he never lost his reverence, awe and wonder of his (Catholic) faith. On Thursday I was reminded of Psalm 34:6 “Look up at the Lord with gladness and smile, your face will never be ashamed.” Dad clung gladly to his faith. We received a glimpse of that peace. Losing his son, Jim, and his grandson, Doug, broke Dad’s heart. It affected him. He was still the same man to us, Father, Patriarch, and we loved and admired Dad completely. At times he experienced frustration in the aging process; it took every bit of courage and effort to continue to live life bravely; still Dad demonstrated thankfulness and appreciation for the simple things. It was joy for us to have a visit, a conversation, a meal with Dad or to simply hear Dad speak our name. It was Dad who left us with this reminder of encouragement each and every time we finished a visit – Dad demonstrate his love for us by saying the words: “I love you too” and “Keep a song in your heart.”
Dad was well the last couple of weeks although many times when Dad would get sick everything seemed so touch and go. And though we knew it entirely possible, it was still a shock that Dad would enter into eternity so quickly, it was as if the Lord Jesus said, Come: “Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) Though none of us may choose it, The Lord knows our days – all of the days ordained for Dad were written in God’s book before one of them even came to be (Psalm 139.16) – we cannot add one minute to our life. How precious are the moments that we shared with Dad, the lifetime that we had! To God, His viewpoint is to see the tapestry from above. Psalm 116:15 says “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.” We love you Dad, we already miss you deeply – heaven is celebrating to have you joined together with your Lord and your loved ones!
In closing I want to read this poem that was given to Mom from George Michaels:
And God Said
I said, “God, I hurt,”
And God said, “I know.”
I said, “God, I cry a lot.”
And God said, “That is why I gave you tears.”
I said, “God, life is so hard.”
And God said, “That is why I gave you loved ones.”
I said, “God, my loved one died.”
And God said. “So did mine.”
I said, “God, it’s such a loss.”
And God said, “I saw mine nailed to a cross.”
I said, “God, but your loved one lives.”
And God said, “So does yours.”
I said, “God, where are they now?”
And God said, “Mine is on my right and yours is in the light.”
God said, “Even though you cannot understand my works, trust I know best.”
I said, “God, it hurts.”
And God said, “I know.”
“Remember- in Jesus Christ he rests.”
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