To Love and To Choose

There were many titles for this post bouncing around in my head.  "Deja Vu"..."The Worst Road Trip Ever"..."I Think I Can I Think I Can"..."I Think I Can't"...

Then chapel yesterday really changed my mind. It was a dedication chapel and we were challenged to think about something God has been putting on our hearts and then dedicate this semester to pursuing it. I immediately knew one big thing, it's something I heard at church on Sunday: "Don't try to be good. Just fall in love with God." I am such a doer. I always have lists and goals and things I need to do to be good. Don't get me wrong, I love God. But I tend to be too much of a Martha. Ever since I heard those words on Sunday they stuck with me, and they're really freeing actually! How much "easier" is it to fall in love than it is to "be good"?! So I'm going to stop trying and stop doing and I'm simply going to fall in love. Love. Simply love. Simply be loved. Be filled. Not do. Be.

The other dedication I made was to choose. The idea that my attitude/response is my choice regardless of the external circumstances has come up a lot lately. Our Saving Your Marriage books said, "Choose your attitude by changing your self-talk." The next chapter was about choosing to view things in their best light. So I have decided to choose happiness. To choose to see things in their best light. To chose the benefit of the doubt. To choose thankfulness. To choose to trust God. 

To love and to choose, that is my dedication.

These weren't easy decisions to come to. Everything in me wanted to be lonely. To complain. To feel inadequate. To do things. To be there (July 30, 2011) not here. I was not looking forward to any more time away from Jason. I tried to pep-talk myself with "I Think I Can I Think I Can", but then that turned into "I Think I Can't." I was missing him so much and I didn't want to admit that I should be looking forward to conquering this last semester apart!! Being reminded that my self-talk will choose my attitude, I tried to turn those thoughts around. I knew I'd only be more miserable if I didn't choose happiness and choose to see things in the best light.

I was not looking forward to the loneliness I'd be faced with, because not only am I away from Jason and my family, but my roommate is in Germany so I have my own room, all my close friends life off campus, and our hall is not very close. The "Deja Vu" title was because I feel like a freshman again - not knowing anyone and having to make friends. I was not looking forward to trying to make new/more friends because I'm not good at it. But God showed up. One of my "little sisters" in the hall left me an encouraging note. A few other girls wanted me to go to lunch at our dining hall with them. At dinner I was prepared to sit alone but then another girl invited me to sit with her. One of my off-campus friends, Courtney, was able to come here and we went running. Another off-campus friend, Mel, came by quick to say hi. I wanted to be stubborn and stay lonely. I wanted my friends, not new friends. But I had to admit, God showed up and met my loneliness.

My road trip here was one of those trips where you couldn't sleep the night before, were exhausted and sleepy driving 9 hours, and where everything took longer than it should have. But guess what? God showed up. After taking two hours to get from the outskirts of Portland in rush-hour traffic to Corie's house, she said I could just spend the night! So instead of getting back to Corban and facing the lonely-flu (I already had the symptoms), I got to spend the night with her talking and watching the Bachelor.

So I've made this dedication to love and to choose. Hold me to it. Evaluate my posts and if needed, remind me to choose to view things in the best light. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to experience and enjoy in my time right here and now. There are exciting classes for me to take that will prepare me for being a certified personal trainer. There are the girls at youth group that I'm leading and discipling (that's a whole other post...that's where I feel inadequate sometimes). There are my close friends to go visit at their houses/apartments. There are new/more friends to make. There are challenges and ways to grow. There is my track season. There is so much here for me right now. Jason and I can grow and fall more in love. I can spend even more time with God. 

I want to soak it all up and live with no regrets. I only get each day once.

Goals.

Sorry this is probably boring to you that I just have posted my goals lately...but 1) I feel more accountable knowing that I put my goals out in public and 2) I've been WAY to busy to write about anything else...although I'd like to! Doing the cleanse this week was great! I did accomplish about two-thirds of my goals I think... Jason and I learned a lot this week and fell more in love! He's so good at loving me! I'm do blessed! I love that we get to grow together! Pray for him because he just hurt his ankle really bad in his first basketball game! This week is gonna be even more busy...I have three tests this week and a big paper that I have to write that's due before I head HOME on Thanksgiving Break! (Only 1 more week!!!!!) So you might not "see" me around much... But pray that I'll be diligent and not stressed!


Goals 11/14-11/20/2010:
* pray daily about who to reach * be diligent and disciplined * blog/etc only after homework is done * elliptical/bike 5xs, lift 3xs, abs 5xs * work on memorizing/reading Colossians 3 * eat right (only 1 dessert!) * thank you note to Granddad/Grandmom * get/post XC pictures * LOVE JESUS! * ENJOY each day!

Goals.

for this week 11/07-11/13.


* pray daily about who God wants me to reach that day
* practice a gentle tongue
* pick a verse and memorize it
* redirect judgmental/critical thoughts to something positive


* be disciplined - don't waste time


* call Heidi
* call Kylie
* skype family
* write encouragement notes to my dorm "sisters"


* do abs daily
* lift weights 3xs this week
* start hip exercises
* cleanse - physically/nutritionally (don't eat animal products, things with gluten, preservatives, caffeine, or added sugar) and spiritually (no blog/non-school computer time the rest of the week, only Christian music/books, avoid "secular/worldly" influences...)

Goals.

Devotion.

Worship.

Self-discipline.

Eat right.

Thrift.

Workout.

Thank.

Invest.

I need to take more pictures of my life! That's one of my new goals.

New Year's Goals...

At first I wasn't really gonna make any "new year's resolutions" and then I realized I had some things on my mind that I want to change or grow in. Some are small or kinda silly and some are more serious. So, since it's that time of year...I'll call them "New Year's Goals." Here they are:

- make my bed daily
- put away my clothes when take them off
- don't put clothes in the laundry inside out (wow mom don't you wish I was at home?)
- do my hw on the night it's assigned (I don't usually procrastinate, but I wanna make sure to stay extra on top of things!)
- eat all my food at Aramark (our dining hall) even if it's gross...and so that means not getting too much, especially if it's gross!
- follow my budget

- complain less
- get to bed at good times (no later than 11:30...but that's pushing it...)
- desserts only on special occasions (such as birthday's or tasty Tuesday...which is tonight!!) and weekends (starting Friday nights...)

- judge others less (or not at all!)
-do a devo daily...and a weekly devo with Jase
- memorize a verse weekly with Jase...and pray daily with him...
- be more patient

- communicate maturely

Yep...that's about it...there's some other small character things...but...ya...