Hope

"Even bad weeks have good days.

Even bad days have good moments.

Even bad moments have great hope.

There is always a reason to hope."

Hope sometimes means we have to look for what we don't see at first glance.

(Wow that's a quote I just came up with myself!!)

Hebrews 11:1

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for

and certain of what we do not see."

I try to find reason for hope, aka: looking for heaven here on earth, each day by writing down things I'm thankful for, or "good things" that happened. I can often find myself in the middle of one of those "bad moments" looking for a shred of good (hope).

How do you find reason to hope?

Choosing Joy

This was from my Girlfriends in God devotional by Mary Southerland, and I thought it was a great reminder for myself:

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

God promises that if you know Him you will know true joy. Joy is not merely happiness but rather an unshakable confidence that God is in control. Therefore, He is our one and only source of joy and stands ready, waiting to saturate every circumstance with His presence. As His children, joy is ours to claim. If so, then where is it and why do we not experience a sense of confident celebration as we go through each day?

Maybe it is because of the “joy stealers” who lurk in the shadows, waiting to crush joy wherever they find it.
Choosing joy requires us to identify and eliminate the “joy stealers” in life. You may be allowing a person to take your joy. Maybe some painful experience from a shadowed yesterday is an obstacle of joy in your life today. Perhaps a fearful circumstance or a broken dream is the culprit.

I know life can be painful. I know life is often hard and unfair. I also know that God is in control. Therefore, if God really is God (and He definitely is) then we can and should be people of joy. I have read the final chapter of the Book and we win! Nothing and no one can take your joy without your permission. So, don’t give it! Choose joy!

Let’s Pray
Father, forgive me for my shallow attitude about joy. I confess that my version of joy is often nothing more than an emotion or feeling based on current circumstances. Help me fix my eyes on You, the Author and Finisher of my faith. I want to live my life against the backdrop of eternity, exchanging temporary happiness for eternal joy. I pray that I will learn to choose joy in whatever lies ahead.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

I Hope You Dance

This was an email forward I received from my future mother-in-law. I love things that have to do with dancing. Don't ask me why, I just always have. In these words below, "dancing" becomes a beautiful metaphor. Read on.

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,

I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn't flow with the music,

and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,

both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back

or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,

and attentiveness from one person

and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".

"God, "u" and "i" dance."

God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust

that I would get guidance about my life..

Once again, I became willing to let God lead...

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings

and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.

May you abide in God, as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead

and to guide you through each season of your life.

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards;

so let's continue to pray for one another.

Verse of the Day

Proverbs 21:21

Whoever pursues righteousness and unfailing love will find life, righteousness, and honor.

You Are More

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes

From the places she's wandered

And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?

I'm not who I once was.

And I'm crippled by the fear

That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you?

Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it

That she's been given new life

But she can't shake the feeling

That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers

And she's rehearsed all the lines

And so she'll try to do better

But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,

But what's been done for you.

This is not about where you've been,

But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,

But what He felt to forgive you,

And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You've been remade

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

Good song. Thank you Jesus!

To Love and To Choose

There were many titles for this post bouncing around in my head.  "Deja Vu"..."The Worst Road Trip Ever"..."I Think I Can I Think I Can"..."I Think I Can't"...

Then chapel yesterday really changed my mind. It was a dedication chapel and we were challenged to think about something God has been putting on our hearts and then dedicate this semester to pursuing it. I immediately knew one big thing, it's something I heard at church on Sunday: "Don't try to be good. Just fall in love with God." I am such a doer. I always have lists and goals and things I need to do to be good. Don't get me wrong, I love God. But I tend to be too much of a Martha. Ever since I heard those words on Sunday they stuck with me, and they're really freeing actually! How much "easier" is it to fall in love than it is to "be good"?! So I'm going to stop trying and stop doing and I'm simply going to fall in love. Love. Simply love. Simply be loved. Be filled. Not do. Be.

The other dedication I made was to choose. The idea that my attitude/response is my choice regardless of the external circumstances has come up a lot lately. Our Saving Your Marriage books said, "Choose your attitude by changing your self-talk." The next chapter was about choosing to view things in their best light. So I have decided to choose happiness. To choose to see things in their best light. To chose the benefit of the doubt. To choose thankfulness. To choose to trust God. 

To love and to choose, that is my dedication.

These weren't easy decisions to come to. Everything in me wanted to be lonely. To complain. To feel inadequate. To do things. To be there (July 30, 2011) not here. I was not looking forward to any more time away from Jason. I tried to pep-talk myself with "I Think I Can I Think I Can", but then that turned into "I Think I Can't." I was missing him so much and I didn't want to admit that I should be looking forward to conquering this last semester apart!! Being reminded that my self-talk will choose my attitude, I tried to turn those thoughts around. I knew I'd only be more miserable if I didn't choose happiness and choose to see things in the best light.

I was not looking forward to the loneliness I'd be faced with, because not only am I away from Jason and my family, but my roommate is in Germany so I have my own room, all my close friends life off campus, and our hall is not very close. The "Deja Vu" title was because I feel like a freshman again - not knowing anyone and having to make friends. I was not looking forward to trying to make new/more friends because I'm not good at it. But God showed up. One of my "little sisters" in the hall left me an encouraging note. A few other girls wanted me to go to lunch at our dining hall with them. At dinner I was prepared to sit alone but then another girl invited me to sit with her. One of my off-campus friends, Courtney, was able to come here and we went running. Another off-campus friend, Mel, came by quick to say hi. I wanted to be stubborn and stay lonely. I wanted my friends, not new friends. But I had to admit, God showed up and met my loneliness.

My road trip here was one of those trips where you couldn't sleep the night before, were exhausted and sleepy driving 9 hours, and where everything took longer than it should have. But guess what? God showed up. After taking two hours to get from the outskirts of Portland in rush-hour traffic to Corie's house, she said I could just spend the night! So instead of getting back to Corban and facing the lonely-flu (I already had the symptoms), I got to spend the night with her talking and watching the Bachelor.

So I've made this dedication to love and to choose. Hold me to it. Evaluate my posts and if needed, remind me to choose to view things in the best light. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to experience and enjoy in my time right here and now. There are exciting classes for me to take that will prepare me for being a certified personal trainer. There are the girls at youth group that I'm leading and discipling (that's a whole other post...that's where I feel inadequate sometimes). There are my close friends to go visit at their houses/apartments. There are new/more friends to make. There are challenges and ways to grow. There is my track season. There is so much here for me right now. Jason and I can grow and fall more in love. I can spend even more time with God. 

I want to soak it all up and live with no regrets. I only get each day once.

Something to think about...

"You are what you think you are." 

Choose your attitude by changing your self-talk.

"What Would Bob Marley Do?"

Hilltop News

(Corban's newspaper)

[Jake Zufelt (the husband of my RA from last year!)
Freelance Writer

I made it a point this summer to become cultured. My plan was simple: listen to NPR, read a New York Times best seller, jam to Bob Marley, hang out with heathens. To carry out this brilliant plan, I picked up a weekend gig at the coffee shop. “Free coffee and culture,” I thought to myself. “Perfect.”

I was eager to reconnect with my colleagues and learn about what’s been happening at our town’s central hub. First there was Amirah, my half Middle Eastern manager who practiced a loose form of Islam and drank boxed wine on the weekends. Next was her sister, Lyla, whose father jokingly tried to sell her in Iran for a herd of camels when she was ten. She was my fellow Bob Marley enthusiast. Then there was Erika, a 6’1 lesbian who always spoke her mind and would have contributed greatly to a sitcom. Finally, there was Taylor, a seventeen year-old rebel who drank heavily and wore men’s shirts and a sign on her forehead that said, “(fill-in-the-blank) off!”

The initial conversations were basic: Joe “Dirt” and Joe “Clean” were still getting their tall Americanos, the building owner is still screwing with the doctor’s wife who works next door, and the Christian camp staff still doesn’t tip, doesn’t smile, and calls the headquarters every day if the “Artist of the Month” hangs a suggestive painting.

As the summer progressed so did my conversations with co-workers, specifically about Christianity. I learned from Erika that she grew up in church, but phased out when she didn’t comply with the teaching anymore. Taylor was content with rebelling against her alcoholic father and passive mother, and preferred drinking away her problems rather than dealing with them. Amirah and Lyla were well liked and goal-oriented; a complete life change seemed unnecessary.

My cause received no help from across the counter. Sunday mornings were filled with people who were upset because they were late for church, a group of conservative twenty-somethings would sit around in exclusivity and read their Bibles to each other, and the Christian camp staff would demand that Bob Marley be turned off whenever they were in the coffee shop. For the first time, I saw the Christian culture from the outside, and I was ashamed.

Erika and I were preparing to close when we noticed that Laura was the only customer left. She hid her face as she hovered over a weathered notebook, writing furiously.

“You think she’s okay?” Erika asked. I shrugged. As my co-worker approached the table, I noticed a steady stream of tears coming down Laura’s face. Erika listened intently for several minutes before giving her a hug and returning to the other side of the counter.

“She’s dying,” Erika said solemnly. “Some rare influenza. The doctor is giving her just under two years to live.”

“One love / one heart / let’s get together and feel all right / hear the children cryin’ / sayin’ give thanks and praise the Lord and I will feel all right / sayin’ lets get together and feel all right.”

I was challenged to evaluate my faith that night. It’s hard not to when a lesbian does the work of a Christian, and Bob Marley sounds a lot like Jesus.]

This article really challenged me too. I'm not sure quite how to respond. Or quite sure what it looks like to be authentic and real. How do we pop this Christian bubble?

Anchor of My Soul

 Bear with me...this will be a long-ish post! The climax is the last paragraph, so you should at least read that! But to understand how I got to the last paragraph, you have to know the pieces that come before!

[Perrydayle Baptist Church; Romans 8:28-39]
- Refocus, don't lose heart. Rejoice, He wins! Relax, He's God!
- Romans 8:28 It's God who works; working for good. All things are not good, but all things are used for good. God doesn't trivialize the circumstances in our life. God works through all things, He brings them ultimately to a perfect end. It's God who figures out how to make all the pieces fit together for good.
- Sometimes it seems like God is crushing us. But we have to remember God is a coach who has victory in mind, and the pieces will result in that.
- Romans 8:29 His purposes focus on eternity- past (predestined, called), present (justified), and future (glorified).
- His ultimate good climaxes in perfection -- conformed in the image of Christ.
- Romans 8:31-32 His love withstands all assaults...it withstands all doubts...accusations...
- My life is surrounded by and protected and grounded in Christ. I'm good!
- When everything else fails - He is there. I am secure. He is moving me to a glorious end!
- We need depth and complexity to be made perfect. It takes some burning, some bitterness, and some sweetness. It will be perfect. We cant trust Him.

[Grace for the Moment devotional by Max Lucado]
- Don't panic. "Let us hold firmly to the hope that we have confessed, because we can trust God to do what He promised." Hebrews 10:23
- "Blessed are those who know there is only one God and have quit applying for the position."

["Desert Song" by Brooke Fraser]
"All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

[It Is Well With My Soul]
Horatio Spafford, a Chicago attorney, wrote this song after his only son died of fever, his properties in Chicago were burned by fire, and the rest of his children (3 daughters) tragically drowned. Yet through it all, he was able to say, "It is well with my soul," no matter what.

[Psalm 130:7]
"Hope in the Lord! For in the Lord there is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption!"

[Hall theme]
"Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." Colossians 2:7

God has been showing me something spectacular these last couple of weeks and the lesson really embedded deeply into me last night. Each of the little notes above is a summary of the some of the different lessons God built upon and revealed to me. Between the sermon from Perrydale last Sunday, blurbs on the Christian radio, Grace for the Moment devos, the "Desert Song" in chapel, other verses, my hall's theme, and analyzing the hymn "It is Well" for my Bible Study Methods class, God has been showing me His faithfulness and my security and hope in Him. Regardless of the circumstances, I'm going to stop and say, "No, I'm not going to let this control me. It is well with my soul. My life is surrounded and protected and anchored and rooted in Christ. I'm good!" This will allow me to walk through a "desert" and still find peace and joy, because it won't come from me or earthly things, but from God. It will make my daily life more stable. It will make my relationship and (future) marriage with Jason stronger because I will not "freak out" about tiny things and be less likely to be shaken by the troubles of this world. God is my rock! When I trust in Him, I can know that it's gonna be ok!

And when you dream...dream big

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil."

God is GOOD! All the time!

God is always good. This year at Corban I have been blessed to room with my close friend Kate again, and our meeting two summers ago was definitely by God's hand. Our hall is full of freshmen (only one other returner except our RA) and they are all very friendly and we have a lot of fun. My RA is very sweet and fun too! He's given me a full load of classes that'll keep me very busy, but all of my professors are very fun and my classes are interesting! I will be very busy with homework too! He has given me a great job here at the gym - last night I got paid to watch a volleyball game (and keep score)! Even with being injured this summer, I'm still running with the top 5 girls here and should do just fine this cross-country season. I'm NOT playing basketball!! For cross-country we have three 6am workouts a week...so I should be in such great shape and stronger for my season (and wedding!!)! He has blessed me so much!

Being away from my fiance is always hard cause we miss each other, but as we stay centered on God all we do is grow closer and closer! And this is the LAST year we will have a long-distance relationship!! God is so good!

Speaking of my wonderful fiance...I'm so proud of him! He is out in Wyoming seeking and serving God with his whole heart, and really reaping the rewards of faithfulness. In LaGrange Wyoming, there is pretty much the college, a church, and a restaurant/convenience store. Most kids have to get jobs in Torrington or Cheyenne or Scotts Bluff which involves gas money, mileage on their car, and dangerous roads in the winter. Jason was hired on campus, which pays almost all of his tuition each month! Then God blew both of us away...Jason was hired at the restaurant across the street! No driving, no gas money!! He waits tables there and it's going great. But God didn't even stop there... Jason was looking for a church where he could get involved in the youth group and possibly help with worship too. There was one about 30 miles outside of town that needed help with youth and worship, so he was praying about it. He knew if God wanted him there, He would provide the gas money. Well, God answered Jason's prayer a different way. A man from the church across the street from Jason's school approached Jason and said that Jason had been recommended to help with the youth group and wanted to know if he would. So starting next Wednesday he's going to be working the youth...right across the street! Wow! God is so good! I'm so excited for Jase and this ministry opportunity. God has given him a huge gift and calling in this area! And I'm super excited to spend the rest of my life with him and serve the Lord together!

Perfected

From my Grace for the Moment devotional by Max Lucado:

      "'[With one sacrifice] He made perfect forever those who are being made holy.' (Heb 10:14). Underline the word perfect. Note that the word is not better. Not improving. Not on the upswing. God doesn't improve; He perfects. He doesn't enhance; He completes....
      Now I realize that there's a sense in which we're still imperfect. We still err. We still stumble. We still do exactly what we don't want to do. And that part of us is, according to the verse, 'being made holy.'
      But when it comes to our position before God, we're perfect. When He sees each of us, He sees one who has been made perfect through the One who is perfect - Jesus Christ.

      'You have begun to live the new life, in which you are being made new and are becoming like the One who made you.' (Col 3:10) I wonder if Jesus doesn't muster up a slight smile as He sees His lost sheep come straggling into the fold - the beaten, broken, dirty sheep who stands at the door looking up at the Shepherd asking, 'Can I come in? I don't deserve it, but is there room for one more?' The Shepherd looks down at the sheep and says, 'Come in, this is your home.'
      Salvation is the process that's done, that's secure, that no one can take away from you. Sanctification is the lifelong process of being changed from one degree of glory to the next, growing in Christ, putting away the old, taking on the new."

What Size is God?

Sunday night was a late night working on my budget with my dad when I came to realize I was making less money this summer than I thought and therefore I should've spent less this summer as well. I also got to thinking about only having a month to get back in shape for cross-country which makes me nervous. Very tired, stressed, worried and kinda bummed I opened my devotional (Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado) to the headline "What Size is God?" and the verse "God can do all things." (Matthew 19:26). Wow. God knew my very needs that night. To follow is the paragraph from the devotion. The last couple of days, if I start to worry or get stressed or discouraged about fiances or school or cross-country I've just tried to remind myself that God is BIG.

"Nature is God's workshop. The sky is His resume. The universe is His calling card. You want to know who God is? See what He has done. You want to know His power? Take a look at His creation. Curious about His strength? Pay a visit to His home address 1 Billion Starry Sky Avenue. He is untainted by the atmosphere of sin, unbridled by the time line of history, unhindered by the weariness of the body. What controls you doesn't control Him. What troubles You doesn't trouble Him. What fatigues You doesn't fatigue Him. Is an eagle disturbed by traffic? No, He rises above it. Is the whale perturbed by a hurricane? Of course not, he plunges beneath it. Is the lion flustered by the mouse standing directly in his way? No, he steps over it. How much more is God able to soar above, plunge beneath, and step over the troubles of the earth!"

After reading this paragraph again, I don't like exactly how it's worded because it makes it sound like God is so much better than our problems/troubles that He doesn't care about them, which is totally NOT the case, and I think the author would agree. We have a Great High Priest who sympathizes with us, who has gone through everything we ever will. We have a God who counts all our tears and hears even our groans and sighs. By trusting in Him, WE can rise above, plunge beneath, and step over the troubles of this earth and not be robbed of our joy or security in Him.

Greater Plans Than My Own...

My MRI results came back yesterday for my foot. I do not have a stress fracture, in fact I have very healthy bones! But I do have tendonitus, probably from running on my really bad shin splint for so long! That means the marathon is cancelled for my! I'm bummed about that, but it's best right now as I need to focus on getting healed and summer training for my fall season. My dad is still running though, and the race is this Sunday! Obviously God has greater plans in mind =)

You Can Have Me

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me

[grace]

"So you thought you had to keep this up

All the work that you do

So we think that you're good

And you can't believe it's not enough

All the walls you built up

Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down

There's freedom waiting in the sound

When you let your walls fall to the ground

We're here now"

The More I Seek You

The more i seek you,

The more i find you

The more i find you, the more I love you

 

I wanna sit at your feet

Drink from the cup in your hand.

Lay back against you and breath, here your heart beat

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

Sacred.

The pastor said something in church on Sunday that really stuck out to me, and I think it could revolutionize the way I treat people!

He said that we need to view people and ourselves as the dwelling place of God. I am sacred. They are sacred. This makes people and myself worth investing in.

I was gonna post this on Easter...but it didn't happen...

[NOTE- this post is not for the faint of heart. It can be gruesome. But is is real.]

Now that I am more aware than even my attempts of righteousness are just filthy rags, and more aware of how grotesque and horrible death by crucifixion is, I am in so much more awe and thanks of the sacrifice Jesus made for me. In chapel on [Good] Friday they read to us from Death by Love by Mark Driscoll. It spoke of the crucifixion in cultural and traditional terms and really detailed how horrifying this kind of death was. The word "excruciating" was actually invented to describe the intense pain because of crucifixion. This kind of death was only reserved for the most detestable criminals, because the Romans didn't want "just anyone" to suffer so much. Before being nailed to the cross, one would be scourged, a process literally meant to tenderize the flesh by ripping skin, muscles, tendons, and even bones off one's back. Many died just from this beating. Upon the cross, on would be mocked, spit-on, and jeered at... The one being crucified would be in such intense pain that it would be a struggle just to breathe, and one would loose complete control of all bodily functions, so usually blood, feces, urine, and saliva was running down the body and pooling at the foot of the cross. Death usually came by suffocation, sometimes after days of struggling to lift one's chest enough to breath. This is the death that my Savior died for me. Even in all this unimaginable pain, Jesus didn't open His mouth. He didn't defend Himself. He didn't call for revenge. He didn't save Himself. He took my sin and my penalty upon Himself. My sins caused this. But now I have life! And I have His righteousness!

God I cannot even understand why You Son would willingly die the most awful death in the world just for me! For someone who will fail Him and get distracted away from Him and fall so short! I'm so amazed by You love! You love is self-sacrificing and unconditional! And if it wasn't for Your love, I'd been lost long ago!

"Lord You gave my life for me, so I will give my life to You."

"You did it for me. You did it for love."

"...That He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure."

"...broken for the sins of the earth..."

"Oh my God, what have we done? We have destroyed Your son!"

Of course the most amazing part is - He is alive! He has risen! And now I can be dead to my sin and alive in Him!

Thank You for the cross...thank You for the cross...