For Better or Worse

I am so excited and at peace about marrying my best friend Jason Koemans and for spending the rest of my life with him! I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jason is the one God picked just for me. He is perfect for me. And he is so wonderful. I know that for better or worse, he will always love me and be by my side. How do I know this? Many many examples...but one specific one happened over the course of the last three days of this week.

You see, on Wednesday, Jason and I could not get on the same page about anything. Due to both of us being very tired and not seeing much of each other this week, we let down our guard and that's where small, simple things turned into big, complicated things and caused conflict. Needless to say this carried into Thursday as well. Talking things over by phone and text only wasn't helping either. Neither one of us made big efforts to respect or love each other, although small glimpses kept coming through. Yes, you would call this conflict. But to clarify, it was not a fight...no name calling, screaming, etc. Just lots of miscommunication, frustration, rash statements, and tears (on my part). But hey, these things are part of life...part of "what lovers do."*

Finally late Thursday night, we finally got to see each other. We held hands and talked it all out, face to face. (Solving conflict is much easier when you're together and can hold hands!) It was really rather simple to resolve! We both acknowledged how we'd wronged each other and apologized specifically for what we had done. We then talked about how to learn and grow from this. We are working on the love-respect cycle. Jason has to show love to me, even in conflict, and I have to show respect to him, even in conflict.

Now why does this situation of conflict let me know that Jason will be there for better or worse? Well, I would put conflict on the "worse" side of the line. But at the end of our conflicts (which are few, by the way), things are always better than before the conflict. None of our conflicts have torn us apart or left things damaged. I always find myself more in love with Jason and even closer to him after a conflict. We both are taking active steps to learn the best ways to resolve conflict and to stay loving and respectful in conflict.

Conflict is part of life and marriage. It's how you handle conflict that makes it "good" or "bad." I know that there is no one else on earth that I want to battle these conflicts and "for worse" with. Jason will always fight for me and for us, and his heart has the best intentions. We are both imperfect people, and we must learn how to live and love inspite of our mistakes. I don't fear mistakes or conflict within our relationship, because he is loving and forgiving, and we learn together.

Jason Paul Koemans, I promise to love you for better or worse. And I promise to work on respecting you, even in "the worse." I love you more than ever before.

*a line from my favorite song, "Crazy Girl"