Love doesn't make sense sometimes.

"Darling, my darling, one line in haste to tell you that I love you more today than ever in my life before, that I never see beauty without thinking of you or scent happiness without thinking of you... You have intensified all colors, heightened all beauty, deepened all delight." [Duff Cooper]

Jason sent me a package that I got today! In it was a calendar page with the above quote =) A "Sweetheart Deluxe First Aid Kit" (heart shaped band-aids), a flash-drive with songs, chocolate covered coffee beans, a letter, and $3 for a coffee! He is such a sweetheart!

Lately I've been learning that love doesn't make sense, and that's how you know it's true love, because true love is a small taste of God's love, which is the ultimate example of true love, and God's love for me doesn't make sense. For example in Hosea. God called Hosea to love even when it hurt, even when there was unfaithfulness, even when there was mistakes. He called Hosea to a sacrificial love, a redeeming love. That's how God loves. The love He called Hosea to practice is the same way that He loves us, and it's how He calls us to love. It's why love is a choice sometimes. It's why love doesn't always make sense. There are countless times when I've messed up so bad and treated the one I love terribly. I feel like I should've used up my chances long ago. I feel like I should be loved less, because the world has trained me to view love as a measure based on my performance. But God's unconditional, self-sacrificing love breaks this worldly mold, and it's hard for me to wrap my mind around. He says I can't use up my chances. He says He loves me more. If God didn't love me unconditionally, I'd have been lost long ago. Fear cannot exist in God's perfect love, because His love casts out the fear of punishment. (1 John 1:18). In God's perfect love for me, I don't have to fear when I blow it. He loves me. He cleanses me. He redeems me and forgives me. I don't even have to fear His discipline, because His discipline is out of love. When I blow it, I don't have to fear losing His love. God's love for me is also a jealous love, literally demanding my life, my soul, and my all. He wants the way I love Him to make all other love look like hate in comparison (Luke 14:25-33). He desperately wants me to give Him all of my attention and affection and put Him first in all things.

And another beautiful thing is I've been discovering is that God gives us human relationships as a taste of His perfect love, and Jason aims to love me with a love that comes from God. 1 John 4:16-17 says, "God is love and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God our love grows more perfect." The love Jason has for me is truly a taste of God's perfect love, and as Jason grows in love with God his love for me also grows and is perfected by God. Jason's love gives me the permission to be me, to make mistakes, to be imperfect, to be weak...but to be loved. If Jason didn't love me the way Christ loves the church, in a way that is redeeming and forgiving, I'd have lost him long ago. I'm so thankful and amazed by this true love that I've found. And I'm so thankful that God grows and perfects our love as we live in Him. He must be the center of us, and in all things He must be first. (Col 1:18)

This is our prayer: "That [our] love may abound more in more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that [we] may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." (Phil 1:9-11)